Merry Christmas Eve.

Hello everyone,
I truly hope you have a wonderful holiday season. This new year is a fresh clean slate. Take it all in and cherish the moments you are given. I know I want to start fresh and enjoy this new year. :) I am in the musical which will be lovely, and I will experiencing all kinds of new fun!
Enjoy waiting up for Santa tonight! Cookies and milk, good old traditions!

-sam

Heaven was needing an Angel

I love the way you smile at me
I love the way you'll always be
I love it when we work all day
& come to a conclusion that we'll be okay

I love it when at night you pray
That miracles will surround our coming day
I love it when you think of others
& say "They're no different then us" they all have mothers

I've learned a few things here and there
Like how to love, forgive and share
When I surround myself with you
Being kind is all I want to do

I miss your voice when you're not around
Sometimes I call your phone, only to hear your sound.
It's amazing just to be around
Let alone being able to all year 'round :)

Let's have an awesome new year
Spread the laughter, no fear
I'm missing you already, come home soon
I'll keep playing that silly tune :)

Cali for Christmas

I am so excited! I am pretty sure I am going to California for Christmas! It will be the best gift ever! Warm and so wonderful! I will have many pictures I am sure. I went over Spring Break but this will be so different. Leaving the cold behind for the warm and beautiful beach of San Diego! I want to go to Point Loma again, right by the beach where I performed for Choir Tour! It's fabulous! What are you guys doing for Christmas? I just can't do tradition right now. Never really even had a tradition anyway! There is so much snow! I hate the cold!

-sam

Damn

Damn the people that don't
& damn the people that do
There is so much going on.
I don't know what to do.

My father once said
Run and find that inner strength
Damn the people that don't
& damn the people that do
Before you.

Open your heart and see that pain
Dream of a world without hate
Damn the people that don't
& damn the people that do,
Before you.

& even when the darkest shadow over powers
& even when you heart has shattered.
Fly again
& Damn the people that don't
& damn the people that do
& damn the people that don't
& damn the people that do.
Oh, before you.

Falling apart ain't so hard to do.
But at least you'll learn something to.
& damn the people that don't
& damn the people that do.
Before you.

New Inspiration: To add to the other unfinished projects.

If you know. I write. All the time. Some I post, some I publish, and some are still inside my head yet to come. Right now I am working on ALISON. I was working on RUNNING STILL, but got lost in this new inspiration, ALISON. It's good. I'll post more about it later.

I've been acting this one out for years :)


Book:
Alison

Fake

You're fake to me.
Where is the reality?
In your eyes.
Your smile is yet another surprise.

I glance your way.
Hoping it will different today.
This spark cannot begin.
Expectations will fail again.

You give me hope,
Just to watch me fall.
You give me wings,
Just to beg for your call.

We'll laugh on your terms.
The sun still comes and burns.
The day is no different from the night.
I'll watch you take your flight.

Sometimes it's better when you're gone.
I'm fine, until I start to sit and watch for you on the lawn.
You've made me this weak.
You've made me this bleak.

I am no daughter.
You are no father.

Thanksgiving

The moments that add up to this very day are always exciting and are the reasons for Thanksgiving being my favorite holiday. The food, the warmth, the family and the friends. Tonight I am spending the night my dear best friend, Coleman. I plan on going to Hillcrest Haven, the nursing home, to feed Ruth again this year. It's a tradition at lunch on Thanksgiving :) After that, who knows! On Friday I have to take family pictures. I'm technically on break, but I've made an exception. On Friday at 5 I am going to Boise and staying the night until Sunday. It's a full week. I have no school until Monday :) Enjoy your holiday and be safe and warm :) Enjoy being with your family and or friends. Be grateful. Be happy!

-samantha averett.

You're Missing It

It's cold again and I do not know what to do
I need a friend, but all I really want is you, Where have you been? I haven't seen you for so long I guess you're gone
You're really gone So long ago you told me you'd never leave
What do you know. Things have changed so suddenly
Here I am. I am moving on without you

Now the years have passed us by
And I still do not know why
Before you tried You chose to quit
So where are you tonight You could make it all alright
But instead you're missing it

All the things that I have done
You're missing it. Everything I have become You're missing it.
So wave goodbye. You can never get it back
No you can't. You really can not

There'll be a day when you wish you could go back
When your mistakes will catch up with where you're at
Before you know all your chances will be gone.
They will be gone.

(jason walker)

Winter

Today, the snow has finally stayed. The tree's branches have completely appeared, with little or no leaves left at all. It's a peaceful feeling sitting next to my window with hot chocolate and a fleece blanket. I enjoy winter a lot a lot :) There is just some kind of comfort that is brought through the holiday season. People are kind and selfless. I wish it could like this all year round. Although possible, people seem to just get caught up, but that should be no excuse. I remember my last winter with my mother. There seemed to be no care in the world at all. We stayed in a Breakfast and Bed Log Cabin for a few days and that was wonderful. The snow slept soundly on the ground the footprints of undiscovered creatures would appear. The bed was soft and tall with millions of pillows at the top. The fireplace kept us warm inside while the hot tub took care of the outside. How I miss those days. I know more shall come, but until then... Happy Holidays and be safe and warm :)

She Loved Just the Same

I once knew a girl named Stacey Lorraine. We first met at a local barber shop downtown. She wore the most elegant clothes with laced shoes to match. Her dirty blond hair flew through the wind as she walked down the street. She entered the shop with such vibrant colors and a warm smile. The chill I felt earlier had disappeared and my gaze was on her now. I did not envy her, for there were no superior demands shooting through her body. She spoke softly and slowly. "I'm having a bad day and my hair looks like shit." The words came calm, and before I could change my shocked face she glanced my way. To cover up my glare I simply said, "Take a seat next to me." Without hesitation she did as I suggested. We stared at each other admiring one another's facial expressions and finally she spoke again. "You'd never guess, but I've just been thrown out of my house." Another calm sound came from her mouth again, but more seriously this time. She was right. She appeared flawless and yet her words said otherwise. I would have never guessed had I not looked behind her mask. She was blunt, and I had not yet been introduced to such a person before. Little did I know, but my life was just about to change for good.
Stacey got her hair fluffed and styled for what seemed like hours until she was satisfied. I didn't mind, because we talked and that kept my patience. We smiled and shook hands. I thought I might never see her again until she laughed, "You made me feel beautiful today. I'm gonna need that another day." Soon enough Stacey and I visited the shop once a week which rapidly turned into two times a week then quickly changed to a cup of coffee across the street on a bench. We talked. We didn't just talk about the weather, but about our lives. We were friends. And although I only knew Stacey for 6 months, I soon knew more about her than some of those that had known her all of her life. I listened. She told me, "Doloris, there is no time to walk through life anymore. You've got to touch things and feel things and make everyday worth it, or it's just another thing you're going to regret." Those words didn't mean a whole lot at the time until I finally understood what she meant the day she died.
She never told me she had cancer. I forgave her. I knew she needed somebody who didn't hold the letter C above her head everytime we talked. She told me lots of things, like how she watched her daddy kill himself with a knife and how her mother used to call her names. She told me that she loved women more than men. I knew what she meant. She didn't have to say it out loud and I didn't want to call her anything but Stacey. Gay just didn't do her justice. She once said, "Labels don't mean a thing to me. I'm still Stacey even if I'm gay. I still walk and talk the same. I still share the same blood as my father, my mother, my brother, my sister. I still laugh and cry and need and want like everybody else. But most importantly, I love just the same."
I sat right up front on her funeral day. People looked but I just looked away. I said a little pray and thanked God for sending me an angel. She changed my ways. And I knew at the time, and I know now that God has a special place for people like Stacey Lorraine.

Weekend in Rexburg

This weekend I had a blast! I really did & I'm not just saying that to sound nice. This weekend made me realize just how much I miss out in my family's lives and I really need to get out there more. Now that I have a capable to car to do so, I'm going up as much as I can!!! It's exciting. I took some photos of my cousins just for the fun of it. They are cute and so much fun! It's getting colder so we can't do all the stuff we usually would outside, but inside we watched movies and played games. We made yummy chocolate oatmeal cookies! I drove for what it seemed like hours this last weekend, but it was worth it :) I watched The Stepfather at The REX with my two cousins, Ashley and Jessiney. It was interesting, and the thought of that guy made me sick. Not the best show in the world to watch if you already fear step-parents. I have auditions for districts tomorrow. Wish we luck. Although, I won't be disappointed this year if I don't go. Only because my group really doesn't get it and frankly don't deserve it. They have this idea that they have a set spot at districts so they don't have to work for it. I just can't wait until college where people take it a little bit more seriously. I love acting and want to share it with those who do too! But for the second experience I hope to go. I'm a little nervous, but once I get up there it all goes away so I really don't know why I worry in the first place. Wish me luck anyway. Or more like "break a leg" I also got to go the the Rexburg Temple. It's beautiful.

-samantha averett.

Unstoppable

It's November now and I'm unstoppable! I'm really loving the fall/winter season. The colors were so bright in October and now they are fading, but the world still looks just as beautiful. I've been keeping busy and drama districts are honestly just right around the corner on the 21st. I really hope my group and I make it. I've some challenges with them and at first I didn't think they wanted it as bad as I did, but it's slowly changing. I wish it would have been that way from the start but I can't change the past. I'm happy now. I was a total (i'll say it) bitch the other day, but I'm really just trying to relax and realize there is only so much I can do. This weekend I have senior photos as well as family photos :) I am visiting family and maybe I'll do a few surprise shoots! My dad is going out of town and so am I. We are going in separate directions though. Ha. My car is getting fixed so I will be using my dad's and he will be in his friends car. I just had my first choir concert of the year and it turned out pretty well for my choir :) We are fundrasing this fall/winter and so I'll hit some of my family up when I'm down North. I'm excited to see how this next Tri goes. I have History to look forward to in place of Economics. God I am going to miss that class! I just finished reading The Crucible for the second time :) It's amazing and I cry everytime near the end with Procter dies ): Such a classic! Arthur Miller = amazing! I am begining The Scarlet Letter here shortly and Nathanial Hawthorne's writing is so not my style, but I'll try it. Well there's the sum of it. Enjoy your November. Keep in touch and look at my photography/portrait business :) Hahaha!!!

-samantha averett.

Don't judge a book by it's cover

Hello everyone. I have just completed my fist paid Senior Portrait Session :) I am actually very proud and learned many things. I had a lot of fun with this senior, Brandon, because he wasn't what I had expected. A football player with a hidden artist side. He is brilliant. Very smart and talented. I feel much of a connection while doing senior portraits and particularity with Brandon, I felt welcome. We were both creative and I had him do some shots I wanted and made sure he knew that he was free to say whatever. I really hope he likes the turn out of the photos and I wish him well on his journey through life. He was another kid to prove me right on "Don't Judge A Book by It's Cover" Thanks Brandon! I wish you luck in this world.

When A Stranger Talks

It's cold; unbearable, deserted.
No thought conquers this feeling.
Hate shatters any happy motion.
When A Stranger Talks;
but their familiar and yet,
you've seen them before.
Everyday in fact.
Their presence guilt's you, tricks you, demeans you.
When another stranger talks,
the laughter feels the air,
but silence over throws once the stranger is gone.
& When the stranger talks.
It's cold; unbearable, deserted.

Fall Update

The winter air seems to say hello everyday but it doesn't stay. I'm filling up my days now with school, internships, photo shoots, and drama districts are just around the corners. Yes, it's that time of year again. The holidays are soon to be discovered once again and the thought of Santa coming down the chimney in two months panics me. Halloween will be lots of fun. I've been working at the Haunted Forest weekly now until the 31st. Thanksgiving shall be a feast and I'm sure I'll be spending it at the traditional Thanksgiving Feast at my dad's work :) It feels good to help those who cannot help themselves on days like those. In fact everyday feels good to serve others :) Senior photos are due for the majority of the classes around me and I've already scheduled three so far. It's fantastic! Let the hobby business begin :) Feel free to check out my photography blog and flickr account :) It's amazing the turn outs for each one. I'm excited for the snow, but also frightened to drive in it. I better start wearing my boots ;) Talk to you all very soon.

Portraits

Hey everyone :) I have recently become interested in portraits. I've always loved the thought of them, but I am serious now. I haven't decided on a price, but I've already had a few models and now the calls are coming faster now :) I'm so exited to work with individuals/groups. If you are interested, seriously, call or text me @ 569.0956
I'll arrange anything with you, unless I have other shoots and school of course. I'm pretty flexible with my schedule though. And plans don't always work out so I could possibly switch things around :)
Let me know!!!

Sincerely,
Sam

Separation from self

Boy have I really missed blogging. Sometimes it just fades away. I really feel like I connect to myself when I just sit down and type for a minute or two. It's fall now and I can't believe it's been since July that's I've blogged. Well, it's October and I recently finished an internship at my local news station (NBC KPVI News Chanel 6) It was very exciting and the tasks I was assigned had me busy everyday :) I am currently apart of the Youth Court Panel at the Juvenile Detention Center. It's been an interesting volunteer aspect and I've become accustomed to it. It makes me think and understand the worlds of many others and realize my life is better off than most.
I visit family from time to time and right now I am living with my dad and no sister. My sister is off to college as of August 21st, 2009. It's been interesting without her and I miss her, but at the same time it gives me rom to spread my wings and find out who I truely am without her.
I am working at the haunted forest right now and last night was the first night :) It was so much fun. Tanner, Colton, Kryston and I all spooked people in the mask room. We had fun and it was an adventure. I look forward to more :) I have a lunch today with family and friends so I must be on my way, but until then, have fun ;)

-Sam
*check out my photography blog in the next couple of days/weeks. I will be uploading new and exciting portraits and such. Candid is best :) I love the fall season with all the beautiful colors!

Coffee & a paper ; my own conversations

Hello everyone,
I am working on my Summer Project.
I had a Spring Project that I already submitted. I have some samples up on my photography page.
Check it out if you have some time.
This summer I've really tried to focus on portraits and candid shots of people (:
It's been fun, but I have got a few nature ones & objects.
I'm enjoying my summer and UB is already over.
Well, I won't be very busy for very long.
My short summer is coming (=
haha (: School has been fun, but it's almost over and starting again.
JUNIOR YEAR here I come.
I'm excited for life (=
I've been staying up late and waking up early. Sleep isn't my best friend right now.
I've been working on the edge and my eyes are worn.
Hopefully it's all worth it in the end; can't wait for a break.
Thank God for this weather we are so blessed with (=
Adios!

Building a future

Hello fellow bloggers and myspace, facebook friends.
I am enjoying my summer and Upward Bound is on a whole new level this year. I honestly love it even more. It's sad to see people leave an get kicked out because they couldn't handle it, but I'm just starting to build my future. Summer has been hot, but not as hot as U of U in mid July. I like living in little old Pocatello, Idaho. I've realized this over the last year. It's the only place I can call home. Every time I visit my old homes and want to gag. The memories weren't all bad. When they were good, they were good; but when they were bad they were horrible and I'd really like to not relive them. I love Pocatello, because I've found a home in it. I know I will visit it when I get all famous. Haha (: No, but really. I've been thinking about what I really want to do. I always think about making HUGE movies and all that, and truthfully, that's what I want; but I also love editing articles and find joy in journalism as well. I'm headed for my Master's degree in TV and Film, but I want more than that, really. So far no one has put me down about my big dreams, but I have a feeling that someone will. Whether from jealousy or lack of confidence, I know it's coming. I wont stop there, because I'll rise above. I've been missing dog lately and my mother of course, But they are my inspiration to be better. It feels good to blog and let it all out. I feel a little lost but I know people who will lift me up, thank god for that. I haven't been keeping up with my book lately. Which reminds me that I need to take a look at that. Alright well until next time, enjoy your summer and check out my photography blog, myspace and facebook whenever for more (:

-Sam

In My Deepest Despair

I have been inspired by some of the most outstanding people. I have been so privileged to meet most of them in the first two years of my high school. Some have come, and some are gone. I won't mention names, but maybe it might just be obvious. I appreciate their patience and wonderful faith in me. I thank them. I have also witnessed some pretty deep stuff throughout my years as well and I try not to remember them but it's the hardest damn thing I've ever had to do. This is for my inspiration and for the people who will never know what kind of person I am meant to be. It's their loss, like my father says. (thanks Aubrey for the idea)

-Never in my life have I met a person like you. The moments we shared never escaped without a laugh or a cry. Sometimes I would watch you without knowing it, just to see if you had ever treated someone else like me. I guess I was pretty special to you. I admit the mistakes I've made and I'm truly sorry for the loss of our connection. We still talk, and I'm glad for that. If there is nothing else, I am glad for that.

-Personality gets me every time because I've been fooled by your looks once before.

-There are plenty of shadows in far away lands but whenever I'm beside you the sun shines all day. And the warmth isn't a burning hot, but yet a comfort I don't want to lose.

-I don't know what you see in me or what keeps you coming back for more, but I promise I won't change the way I feel for you.

-It's awkward all of the time. I can try and reply all I want, but the awkwardness will still reside.

-I don't know the definition for fate, but I feel wrapped up in it either way.

-I feel like I've been fighting much longer than I've actually been loving. I wish for many things, but never have I wished to stop fighting for you.

-You said how much you wanted me to be a part of you life. You said that even under the circumstances you were still overwhelming overjoyed to have me here with you. To this day I don't know if those words were just words or actual thoughts you intended to keep. I want five minutes of your time but even five minutes of your time is too much time for you. It seems that I expect you to say "How high?" when I say " Jump!" This is not the case though and I'm sorry for asking you to live up to your words. Words are only words, I've learned though you.

-We don't even remember why we're fighting and yet it's endless and a part of us now. It's the feeling of not wanting to go back because we know it's a pattern that won't end.

-You're leaving now and you woke me up crying because you're afraid to leave. I say just how much you're going to regret saying that, but you say how much you're going to miss out and I say how much I'm going to miss out. I guess we're more alike than we allow ourselves to believe.

-Are we close to perfection or that furthermost away? At this point I cannot tell the difference because good and evil have combined and lost their goal in life.

-Je t'aime. Je mis de la manière dont elle a été.

- We better do something before there is nothing we can do.

- I lost you in a moment's time. When I was far off away and I had no idea. I had no clue. I'm so sorry. I know you must have been searching for me. You didn't know any better. You were the best friend a girl could have. I could tell you anything. One day I'll make it up to you for all the things I never did for you. When I had the chance to ,I never did. But I promise I will make it up to you. Just wait and see. Just wait.

- When I'm the hot shot I want to be, you'll be sitting on your couch wishing you would have got off of it and called me up. Called me randomly and honestly, caringly. You would have spoke the words that made up for all the lost time. You would have drove the simple 45 miles to get to me. You would have, but you never did. You can talk about it whenever you please, but don't expect me to thank you at the Grammy's.

-Have I told you I ache for you. I ache inside and outside. I look terrible and weak. You never took the time to see that in me. You took a fake smile as some kind of truth. When anyone stranger could see, I wasn't likely to be, happy.

-I don't believe I've ever seen a face like yours. So true, simply wonderful, questionable and yet I know most everything about you. You couldn't lie if you wanted to. Thank you for the honest truth.

- We've lost some pretty amazing musicians that have changed the world and formed the music we listen to today, but we still have some pretty amazing musicians that are just getting started.

- Silence is all I wanted, but in the thick of it I couldn't help searching for your voice.

-I think I'll go far, much further than I had ever imagined, thanks to you.

-You couldn't have held me back even if you used steel. Because my dreams can break anything you put up to block them with.

- You've started this war, so you better go and get your armor.

-I miss almost everything about you execpt the part that makes me hate you.

- I'm astonished with what you thought you could use against me, knowing it would never work because I've got a back up plan that you never thought of.

-I can write a love song for you in my sleep to prove just how much I love you. I never forget to cherrish the moments I have with you because I've lost too many to beleive I'll have anymore time with you than the rest.

-This one is for you : I'd be lying if I said I trusted in you.

-I'll back off for a while, but don't think this will be a regular routine after all you've done for me. You've knocked down my door sevral times and you've never taken "NO" for any answer. So don't thinkg this will be a regular routine.

-I'd ask why you didn't come today, but I think I already know why.

-You're under my skin and in my very soul. How you got there; i'll never know.

-Isn't it strange how the world can change, but in all the wrong ways.

-You two were so close, but after you let society tear you apart; you were nothing but two strangers.

- I could write a million words saying it will never work, or I could just walk away. How would you prefer it, because either way I'll still lose you.

-Lionel Richie says : "Party like there is nothing left to give", but before you can do that you must give, so what are you waiting for. I havn't seen that side of you yet.

-We have got to be alive. We cannot live in the depths of our own deaths. Someone put us here for a reason, so don't waste a second of it.

-Say your sorry once, I'll think about forgiving you. Say your sorry twice and you might never get a chance for me to consider forgivness.

-If you're going through some things in your life, just know it's gonna be alright :Lionel Richie.

-In Our Darkest Hour, In My Deepest Despair, Will You Still Care?, Will You Be There?, In My Trials, And My Tripulations, Through Our Doubts, And Frustrations, In My Violence, In My Turbulence, Through My Fear ,And My Confessions ,In My Anguish And My Pain ,Through My Joy And My Sorrow, In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow ,I'll Never Let You Part , For You're Always In My Heart : Michael Jackson

- Why is it the smallest things that tear us down? Just wait a minute and see how hard it can get without me; without you.

-Insane? Maybe, Crazy? Of course, either way you'll never know, because you never took the time

- I had a good time today, and I can't wait for more. Thank you.

All nighter-Upward Bound-Book.

Lately I have been lazying around the house and just breathing before school starts again. Wait! Don't you have like three months of break?;is probably what you are thinking right now, right? Haha. Yes my friends I have school coming up in like two days! It's Upward Bound and the best thing that has happened for me since my mother died. I've met lifetime friends and I've been able to make college a reality more so than ever! It's great. This program helps me with college and school and grades and such! I had a wonderful night the other night, though, before this year's upward bound happens again. Before I move into the dorms and I got to spend the night at my best friend's house for his birthday party. It was crazy wild! We stayed up all night! I won't forget that night. Naomi is one of my best friends and so is Coleman (: It was great! Now as Summer is here and all I got to talk to a close friend of mine from Blackfoot, Valentin. He's awesome! And he's part of Upward Bound. This Summer I'll try to blog about more of my fun with friends and school! It will be awesome now that I have a laptop to use! yay! (: I am glad I have met the friends I have and will cherrish their presence more so than ever this summer. Some friends leave and some stay. Some lose touch and some are always there. I'm glad anyways, good or bad, they've all taught me life lessons! Oh, & I'm writing a book. No exclusive yet, but I hope to get some stuff up later, maybe. Still debating. And I'd like people to read parts of it, if we are close just e-mail me at manthashray@yahoo.com If you've been with me every step of the way I'd love to hear your imput, because if you know who I am, I think you'll understand my book better (: Thanks Taylor (editor) and Julia (best friend) for the support. And Ryan (Uncle) for the interest. My book has a few titles in mind and I think I will post a plot later and ask for your opinon. More so on myspace, facebook and such but keep posted (:
Thanks friends.

-Sam.

ENJOY YOUR SUMMER
HAVE AT IT '09

Day Date/Prom 2009

Hey guys,
Haven't blogged with any good detail lately so I thought I'd talk to you today. It's getting warmer and I just finished taking my last Exam, A.P Biology to be exact. There are more finals but it feels good to get the hard stuff out of the way, even if I'm getting a B in that class! haha! So basically I went to prom this year. It was awesome and according to my friend Mason, I owned the floor :) It was tons of fun and I had a blast with my date and best friends all around me. I went with most of my AP Biology friends! It was super exciting! It was worth everything I had to do. I had a little bake sale and made 250 dollars to pay for my dress and the limo! So much fun! So here are some pictures to go along with all the fun! School is almost out so check out my phototgraphy blog, because i've been taking lots o' pics!

Fun with cousins

I don't often get to see my cousin but when I do,
I tend to have too much fun!
I love these guys and I know that when I get my license I will visit them time after time (=
I didn't get any pics with the boys, they were mostly running around.
But Rachel, Ashley and I got some cute ones (=
I had so much fun, enjoy!

In Loving Memory of Gus

Nephi Agustus Valjean
June 26th,2000 to March 27th, 2009

Dear Gus,
You may not know just how much you meant to me. You were my world, my everything. I never meant for us to part this way. A lonely night, me so very far away. You searched with your curious nose and determination to know just where we'd go. I wonder what you felt, the moment you heart began to melt. I'm sorry little friend, for I was gone. I wish I might have prevented such a tragedy if only I had not been so selfish just to think of me. I thought of you often, and always will. You brought me joy you brought me thrill. Tears I cried in front of you and words I spoke you only knew. Such a wonderful companion and the definition of a loyal best friend. I'll write your story out loud some day, and maybe then I will repay. All the things I would say, but never took the time of day. I'll honor every second you took to say hello with your big brown eyes and unconditional love that spread farther than most. All the times you saved my life and God has now reminded me of all those little things. The blessings have come clear and my life has become that much more important just looking at your past. Thank you Gus. Thank you. For you have saved my life and for that I will live for you now as you once did for me. You've showed me love like no one else can. Thank you. Thank you, my loyal friend.

I climbed a moutain;

And it was worth every struggling breath. I took a few breaks but really I just wanted to get to the top and enjoy the view. And boy was it so beautiful and breath taking, (although my breath was already taken away from the uphill climb) <---haha, I really have not seen such beauty in a long time and to think here in Pocatello, Idaho (= there it was, all that sky I was almost reaching and every detail I witnessed on the mountains. Far away they look so small but next to, they are huge and quite intimidating to believe God created something larger than life. It was litterally a massive experience. I won't forget it! (= I know I will partispate in something like that in the future. I think I've climbed my moutain for the year though (= <---haha. It was good to know that I was also being productive and not just climbing it for the pure good of my health. =D I helped save deer! For that I am proud. I will sleep at night knowing that I helped Fish & Game Accomplish there goals! Century really is the best school because we volunteer so much more than the others and excel to no limits. I enjoy where I am at right now and right now, I wouldn't ask for more (=

Spring Break is coming and I will write you all about it!
Keep posted for pictures and more!

I think you're just evil.

On a happy note
I'll admire your attempts to speak.
Although I won't listen, I'll still hear you
You believe one thing, I believe another
How can you say this and then do that
Hypocritical are we both
But let's look inside our tiny minds
& get rid of all this hatred!
I hate what you do, so take a step back and ask who?
Who are you? Nothing gets me like you do.
Emotions are meant to be expressed,
So quit bottling them up and tell the truth.
Let's take a trip to the Upper East Side
Maybe we'll learn something on the inside.

*not about anyone in particular.

VERSAEMERGE, MADISON LIGHTS, FATE IS THE HUNTER!

www.myspace.com/versaemerge

www.myspace.com/madisonlights

www.myspace.com/fateisthehunterband

I have a strong feeling you'll like at least one of these bands if not all of them (=

Playing Monday March 30th at The Icon in Pocatello, Idaho!

Tickets sold at the door $8

Go here-->1235 North Main Street Pocatello, ID 83204

Seriously! You'll have fun!

If you went to Pokapalooza you'll remember Madison Lights, that one the battle of the bands! Go to theedge921.com and vote for them!

Local band from Idaho Falls, Idaho!

Also talk to them about joining their Street team!

(= Add them as a friend.

All these bands are awesome in their own sweet and unique way!

Check them out and look on their myspace's to see what's coming up and all that jazz!

SUPPORTSUPPORTSUPPORT!

Any questions? ask me (=

Be awesome and listen to some pretty amazing music,

I mean... what else do you have to do?

<3sam

The Sweetest Angel in the Room

Last night, March 7th, 2009; I attended the most amazing concert! Rob Robinson and the T.C.C (= They were magnificent! He was truly an angel and his sisters were great additions to the show! Last month I saw The Vienna Boy's Choir and they were sweet angels too! Rob inspired me so much, though! He was hilarious and had such a talented and unique voice! They said he was 5 feet tall and 6 feet wide, I didn't believe them and then he walked out and no lies there, but when he spoke it was so sincere and his voice brought me to my feet! We clapped and sang along! He sang Colors of the Wind and I cried! Then he talked about his grandmother passing and I felt a tear stroll down my face. Amazing Grace was brilliant and Eagles Fly inspired me the most! (= Blackfoot, Idaho's Preforming Arts Center has such wonderful performances and I encourage you to go out and watch some! Bye Bye Birdie Stage Show from New York, New York is coming in April and I am so going! Then the Jungle book in the Summer! (= Yay! Well, that's about it! Thanks! Enjoy your week!

Breakdown

I think I will just breakdown right here in the middle of this endless road. I really want to be understood, you don't even know how much! I think I've cried enough tears to water a field of crops. I want more than this. A feeling of confidence, like I'm not doing anything wrong. Why do I always seem like a burden or in the way of people? Should I just simply stick with what I'm "good" at. I really wish she would understand. She is my best friend. Why give up now. Why? I might never know. It's not her, it's her. You won't understand unless you walk in my shoes for miles.

Written on the back of an envelope

Dear God
There are so many things I'd like to say
But they are in languages I cannot speak
And in places I cannot reach
Oh Lord
I've been forgiven by a man I thought was my biggest fan
But I've been lied to
For too long I couldn't understand
And right now all I want is for somebody to hold my hand
I hope I can sleep good tonight
If only I could find that peace in mind
That place; or those words I long to speak
Maybe someday.

Sometimes it's letting go

“Whenever God sees a soul in need, he creates a storm to pick out those who are lost at sea, hoping maybe they will find their way back to shore.
”

-samantha paige averett

More and more these days I have been reminded to let go and breathe. I am caught in the past and I fall so deep I'm afraid I won't find my way back up. Thank God for friends of mine as well as the family I have. When I say family, I mean people who show respect and are willing to lend a hand. Family has never been a blood bond for me and I've realized this within the years, slowly but reassuringly. In a way I miss the times I've shared with my actual family but then I realize how much I've been hurt and I can't allow it to happen anymore. Blogging has always been my escape to just write out my feelings and I appreciate all who follow my link from my myspace and read my blogs. They may not be important to you but they are important to me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I just feel like sometimes it's letting go that makes a stronger.

"Some say holding on is what makes us stronger but sometimes it's letting go"

-unknown

I've got to let go and start new. I think that's what I've been trying to do. I've come so far since my mother's death and I really need to continue. It hurts but letting go will really just be the beginning for me.

Uncle going to Iraq;moving

Yes, my Uncle Brad is going back to Iraq in less than two weeks. He went there once before but I do believe it was before I was born. This time it's different and I acutally am apart of it. We are having a farwell get together soon and I hope to attend because I am getting everything out of my house and finally moving! It's exciting but I am just in no mood to wish my uncle off. He is going out of pure vuluntary heart and mind and I wish him all the best. He is a medic so I hope he will be extra safe so that he might help the wounded soldiers who need him. I wrote him a letter so he will have it before he goes.

Dear Brad,
I have never really known much about the Army in detail but when I think of the Army, it brings me to you and how much you have dedicated your life to serving this wonderful country of ours. I've always supported what you have done and although I know little of your experiences in the Army, I just wanted to thank you for being apart of it. Brad, I love you for being the kind of person who is willing to go out and do this job for the many soldiers who need you. I love you for welcoming me into your home and letting me stay for that week I did. I love you for your red mustache that I remember so vividly (: I love you for being my uncle. I love you for being a simple example even when you don't even know it. I love you for making a difference. I love you for noticing little things like when the captions were on the TV and the sound was off and I was acting out each commercial and you thought it was better than watching the actual commercials. I love you for being my dad's friend at the hardest times in his life. I love you because as I write this a tear of joy falls knowing that you have made a difference in my life. I love you because I have no bitter feelings towards you and I can feel happy around you. I love you because you can be serious and you can be silly. I love you because you are you. I know we haven't been the closest over the years, but it's never too late to catch up. I love all the memories of you that I have in my head, and I know I won't forget them. I've shared some pretty fun times with your kids and I'm glad to call them my cousins. I've learned a lot from your family and hope to learn more. I wish you the best on this next journey of yours. I try to look on the positive side and see what people are gaining instead of losing. It's hard to imagine that you'll be in a whole new world that I can only imagine exists. I wish you to be safe and have comfort while you're away. I hope to write you and hear of your experiences. I don't know how you feel at this moment in time because I could never put my feet in your shoes and understand. All I know is that you have a great family that is behind you and we will all be waiting when you return. I will miss you and pray for you as often as I can. I am proud to call you my Uncle Brad and I love you very much. Thank you for all the little things you've done and who you are today. Be safe and when things get difficult I hope you think of these things.

Love,
Sam

I wish him well. I will miss him.

*moving this weekend, wish me luck. (:

If you've given up on me

I will try hard to get over it. It hurts to feel this way. Neglected but it's all the same. If you don't care, like you've truly stopped making an effort, then you'll see why I'm not forcing you to anymore. It's unbearable to think of all the promises that were made and shattered in the same era of time. Why couldn't you have waited until I was able to walk on my own. I still need your hand to hold, but I'll stumbled and fall before I take the time to know it all. I never will understand why you tease me so. My heart breaks and the bruises that are left ache more now then ever. I've forgiven you. I've almost forgotten you. But I have not nor will I ever stop believing in myself. You may give up on me, but I've got a feeling inside that this moment won't last any longer and the time it's taken up will just be a moment I never will remember. Only because by then, I'll have enough faith in my heart to know, that I won't need your help anymore. I'm not ashamed for you, nor myself. I haven't understood why, yet. But maybe someday God might answer.

Your Ego Blinded Me With The Truth

now i know just what to expect
next time you try to pull that stunt
if there is a next time

i doubt it

i kind of find you intriguing with your sense of style & hardcore addiction for attention

i guess it gives me something to see in you
i believe i have lost the real you in a crowd of reality
some kind of happiness dwells in your heart
it's thrilling for you to grab anyone's attention..
not worrying to see if it bothers anyone else
but it bothers me to no end
are you surprised
you shouldn't be
im not the only one


i guess you could say i miss the way it was but the way it was is only a lie i was somehow dragged in to.

Sweetheart Dazzle & Dessert

Mamma Mia Outfit^ My hair was in ringlets!

Hey everyone. Oh boy has this last month been a fun and long month! I have been so busy. I know, I know...I say that a lot! But is has been quite true. My choir & I put on Mamma Mia like I mentioned earlier and it was a blast & a hit! We had our biggest fundraiser of the year...Sweetheart Dazzle & Dessert! It was on February 7th! The silent auction went well & we made $5,000 just from our auctions, not including the tickets or donations! It was awesome to get that over and done with. I got the solo "Take A Chance On Me" It was so much fun to sing & the crowd loved it! The Desserts were incredible & I was in charge along with some other girls & that was fun to handle. It's snowing right now & I don't have school on Friday or Monday! So I'm thrilled, but I am moving back to my old place next week after we lay the carpet. It looks really good, we've remodeld (: Also, I have been realizing that I am going to have an awesome Junior year! I got my registration stuff yesterday & we are switching from semesters to trimesters. So we will see how it goes! Well, hope your new year is going well & I can't wait for a least spring & summer!

Laughter Quakes ; The World Breaks

Shades of red and orange
Wisp their way through the wind
Midnight comes to trade the daylight
And sudden quakes of laughter explode just right

Surrounded by the brief second of a chance
This might be it; this might be the last dance
Crying winds fade to stilled dust
If it breaks the vow it shows coward lust

Awakening calls forever
In the last moment; the last endeavor
Shallow beings have roughed this world
The utter display of a forgotten pearl

Sand that washed upon the shore
With hearts who mend the broken tore
Disasters don't say much about the suffering
Just give those beings a time for buffering

Maybe more; maybe less
Who knows if the time has passed
The hope is lost; and found again
But soon to find this lousy trend

Little Kid Reunion & New Phone

Okay, so you know what's weird but so cool at the same time? Reconnecting with your kindergarten friends. You know, the ones you chased your crush around with (: So oddly and amazingly I have recently done this. My friend Rachel randomly found me on Facebook & we talked for forever! Then, my bestest friend from kindergarten... Krissa found me too (: I guess Rachel & Krissa are still friends & go to Rigby High (: It's so strange, haha! But anyways, so Rachel is so amazing and so freakin' cute! Her family is so big and she has little brothers now. I wish I had a little brother. Then Krissa plays the guitar, sings, and is still the baby of the family like myself (: They both have changed so much & I have not seen them since my mother's funeral almost four years ago. They are the bestest friends I have ever had and remind me so much of my childhood. I remember jumping on the trapoline with them and playing house and my birthday parties with them. It's like all of my memories from Midway Elementary are coming back to me. I wonder who I would be today if I still lived out there. Oh boy, I don't think it would matter much because wouldn't see myself now, but I am glad the changes in my life happened because I like me now (: I have experienced so many things out there and I have never been sheltered. & No matter how hard that might seem, it's only made me stronger people. It's never made me shatter or fall without the knowledge that I would come back up with flying colors. Both of my friends have come so far and are so beautiful. They live out in the same places, I believe and it's kind of funny. You know my mother stayed in the same place, basically, all of her life and she really loved to travel. I am wondering if we would have ever got out of Rexburg if she had not passed. I couldn't stand Rexburg and I still really can't, but it's a beautiful place and that's really the only good memories that took place other than the ones I had with my mother and cousin up there. Anyways... about the new phone. Yuck. It feels like a day ago I got a new one. It was nice and stuff but now that we switched our plans I can't activate it anymore. So I am looking for a blackberry, maybe or something cool like that. From Verizon of course (: Don't worry, my phone number shouldn't change, no, it won't.
Love ya guys,
-SAM