Sometimes it's letting go

“Whenever God sees a soul in need, he creates a storm to pick out those who are lost at sea, hoping maybe they will find their way back to shore.
”

-samantha paige averett

More and more these days I have been reminded to let go and breathe. I am caught in the past and I fall so deep I'm afraid I won't find my way back up. Thank God for friends of mine as well as the family I have. When I say family, I mean people who show respect and are willing to lend a hand. Family has never been a blood bond for me and I've realized this within the years, slowly but reassuringly. In a way I miss the times I've shared with my actual family but then I realize how much I've been hurt and I can't allow it to happen anymore. Blogging has always been my escape to just write out my feelings and I appreciate all who follow my link from my myspace and read my blogs. They may not be important to you but they are important to me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I just feel like sometimes it's letting go that makes a stronger.

"Some say holding on is what makes us stronger but sometimes it's letting go"

-unknown

I've got to let go and start new. I think that's what I've been trying to do. I've come so far since my mother's death and I really need to continue. It hurts but letting go will really just be the beginning for me.

Uncle going to Iraq;moving

Yes, my Uncle Brad is going back to Iraq in less than two weeks. He went there once before but I do believe it was before I was born. This time it's different and I acutally am apart of it. We are having a farwell get together soon and I hope to attend because I am getting everything out of my house and finally moving! It's exciting but I am just in no mood to wish my uncle off. He is going out of pure vuluntary heart and mind and I wish him all the best. He is a medic so I hope he will be extra safe so that he might help the wounded soldiers who need him. I wrote him a letter so he will have it before he goes.

Dear Brad,
I have never really known much about the Army in detail but when I think of the Army, it brings me to you and how much you have dedicated your life to serving this wonderful country of ours. I've always supported what you have done and although I know little of your experiences in the Army, I just wanted to thank you for being apart of it. Brad, I love you for being the kind of person who is willing to go out and do this job for the many soldiers who need you. I love you for welcoming me into your home and letting me stay for that week I did. I love you for your red mustache that I remember so vividly (: I love you for being my uncle. I love you for being a simple example even when you don't even know it. I love you for making a difference. I love you for noticing little things like when the captions were on the TV and the sound was off and I was acting out each commercial and you thought it was better than watching the actual commercials. I love you for being my dad's friend at the hardest times in his life. I love you because as I write this a tear of joy falls knowing that you have made a difference in my life. I love you because I have no bitter feelings towards you and I can feel happy around you. I love you because you can be serious and you can be silly. I love you because you are you. I know we haven't been the closest over the years, but it's never too late to catch up. I love all the memories of you that I have in my head, and I know I won't forget them. I've shared some pretty fun times with your kids and I'm glad to call them my cousins. I've learned a lot from your family and hope to learn more. I wish you the best on this next journey of yours. I try to look on the positive side and see what people are gaining instead of losing. It's hard to imagine that you'll be in a whole new world that I can only imagine exists. I wish you to be safe and have comfort while you're away. I hope to write you and hear of your experiences. I don't know how you feel at this moment in time because I could never put my feet in your shoes and understand. All I know is that you have a great family that is behind you and we will all be waiting when you return. I will miss you and pray for you as often as I can. I am proud to call you my Uncle Brad and I love you very much. Thank you for all the little things you've done and who you are today. Be safe and when things get difficult I hope you think of these things.

Love,
Sam

I wish him well. I will miss him.

*moving this weekend, wish me luck. (:

If you've given up on me

I will try hard to get over it. It hurts to feel this way. Neglected but it's all the same. If you don't care, like you've truly stopped making an effort, then you'll see why I'm not forcing you to anymore. It's unbearable to think of all the promises that were made and shattered in the same era of time. Why couldn't you have waited until I was able to walk on my own. I still need your hand to hold, but I'll stumbled and fall before I take the time to know it all. I never will understand why you tease me so. My heart breaks and the bruises that are left ache more now then ever. I've forgiven you. I've almost forgotten you. But I have not nor will I ever stop believing in myself. You may give up on me, but I've got a feeling inside that this moment won't last any longer and the time it's taken up will just be a moment I never will remember. Only because by then, I'll have enough faith in my heart to know, that I won't need your help anymore. I'm not ashamed for you, nor myself. I haven't understood why, yet. But maybe someday God might answer.

Your Ego Blinded Me With The Truth

now i know just what to expect
next time you try to pull that stunt
if there is a next time

i doubt it

i kind of find you intriguing with your sense of style & hardcore addiction for attention

i guess it gives me something to see in you
i believe i have lost the real you in a crowd of reality
some kind of happiness dwells in your heart
it's thrilling for you to grab anyone's attention..
not worrying to see if it bothers anyone else
but it bothers me to no end
are you surprised
you shouldn't be
im not the only one


i guess you could say i miss the way it was but the way it was is only a lie i was somehow dragged in to.

Sweetheart Dazzle & Dessert

Mamma Mia Outfit^ My hair was in ringlets!

Hey everyone. Oh boy has this last month been a fun and long month! I have been so busy. I know, I know...I say that a lot! But is has been quite true. My choir & I put on Mamma Mia like I mentioned earlier and it was a blast & a hit! We had our biggest fundraiser of the year...Sweetheart Dazzle & Dessert! It was on February 7th! The silent auction went well & we made $5,000 just from our auctions, not including the tickets or donations! It was awesome to get that over and done with. I got the solo "Take A Chance On Me" It was so much fun to sing & the crowd loved it! The Desserts were incredible & I was in charge along with some other girls & that was fun to handle. It's snowing right now & I don't have school on Friday or Monday! So I'm thrilled, but I am moving back to my old place next week after we lay the carpet. It looks really good, we've remodeld (: Also, I have been realizing that I am going to have an awesome Junior year! I got my registration stuff yesterday & we are switching from semesters to trimesters. So we will see how it goes! Well, hope your new year is going well & I can't wait for a least spring & summer!

Laughter Quakes ; The World Breaks

Shades of red and orange
Wisp their way through the wind
Midnight comes to trade the daylight
And sudden quakes of laughter explode just right

Surrounded by the brief second of a chance
This might be it; this might be the last dance
Crying winds fade to stilled dust
If it breaks the vow it shows coward lust

Awakening calls forever
In the last moment; the last endeavor
Shallow beings have roughed this world
The utter display of a forgotten pearl

Sand that washed upon the shore
With hearts who mend the broken tore
Disasters don't say much about the suffering
Just give those beings a time for buffering

Maybe more; maybe less
Who knows if the time has passed
The hope is lost; and found again
But soon to find this lousy trend

Little Kid Reunion & New Phone

Okay, so you know what's weird but so cool at the same time? Reconnecting with your kindergarten friends. You know, the ones you chased your crush around with (: So oddly and amazingly I have recently done this. My friend Rachel randomly found me on Facebook & we talked for forever! Then, my bestest friend from kindergarten... Krissa found me too (: I guess Rachel & Krissa are still friends & go to Rigby High (: It's so strange, haha! But anyways, so Rachel is so amazing and so freakin' cute! Her family is so big and she has little brothers now. I wish I had a little brother. Then Krissa plays the guitar, sings, and is still the baby of the family like myself (: They both have changed so much & I have not seen them since my mother's funeral almost four years ago. They are the bestest friends I have ever had and remind me so much of my childhood. I remember jumping on the trapoline with them and playing house and my birthday parties with them. It's like all of my memories from Midway Elementary are coming back to me. I wonder who I would be today if I still lived out there. Oh boy, I don't think it would matter much because wouldn't see myself now, but I am glad the changes in my life happened because I like me now (: I have experienced so many things out there and I have never been sheltered. & No matter how hard that might seem, it's only made me stronger people. It's never made me shatter or fall without the knowledge that I would come back up with flying colors. Both of my friends have come so far and are so beautiful. They live out in the same places, I believe and it's kind of funny. You know my mother stayed in the same place, basically, all of her life and she really loved to travel. I am wondering if we would have ever got out of Rexburg if she had not passed. I couldn't stand Rexburg and I still really can't, but it's a beautiful place and that's really the only good memories that took place other than the ones I had with my mother and cousin up there. Anyways... about the new phone. Yuck. It feels like a day ago I got a new one. It was nice and stuff but now that we switched our plans I can't activate it anymore. So I am looking for a blackberry, maybe or something cool like that. From Verizon of course (: Don't worry, my phone number shouldn't change, no, it won't.
Love ya guys,
-SAM